Muck Fizzou | Jokes

Q: Why did Rihanna briefly consider attending Mizzou?
A: They don’t beat anyone

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Q: Why does Mizzou have paw prints on their uniforms?
A: They’re used to getting stepped on!

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Q: What do you call Mizzou players with Championship rings on?
A: THIEVES!!

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Q: Why does Mizzou use artificial turf on their football field?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime.

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In 1872, a Mizzou student invented the condom, using a goat’s intestine. In 1873, a Kansas student refined the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.

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Q: Why do Mizzou fans always wear camouflage?
A: If you were a Mizzou fan you wouldn’t want to be seen either.

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MISSOURI

6 million people.
and only 5 last names.

From: Hailey

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Q: What’s the difference between yogurt and Columbia, Missouri?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

From: gavinsq

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Q: How do you run a small business?

A: Start with a large business and put a MU grad in charge.

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What is the easiest way to get a MU Cheerleader in your dorm room?
Grease the door jams and push like hell!

From: Bryan J Hurt

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Q: Why do golf courses in Missouri only have 14 holes???
A: Because they NEVER make it to the FINAL FOUR!!

Variations:

“Why do clocks in Missouri only have 56 minutes?”

because they NEVER make it to the FINAL FOUR!!

From Kansas Jayhawks Basketball Fanatics

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Q: How many Missouri fans does it take to eat a ‘possum?
A: Three. One to eat the ‘possum and two to watch for cars.

From: MissingNebraska.com

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Q: What did the Missouri Tiger fan do after coming upon a stop sign in Columbia?
A: I don’t know – he’s still there.

From: MissingNebraska.com

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Q: What do you get when you cross a Missouri Tiger and a ground hog?
A: 6 more weeks of bad football, and 23 years of futility against Nebraska.

From: MissingNebraska.com

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Q: What did the Mizzou graduate get on his I.Q. test?
A: Drool.

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours
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Q: What is the difference between a Mizzou graduate and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: What’s the difference between a litter of puppies and Missouri fans?

A: Eventually puppies grow up and stop whining.

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Q: Why does the Mizzou graduate keep his diploma in his car?
A: So he can park in the handicap spots!

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: What do you call a Mizzou basketball player in a suit?
A: Defendant.

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: How do you get a Mizzou graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: How many Mizzou students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, and he gets 3 hours of college credit for it.

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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A KU grad at a bar in Columbia, Missouri says to the guy sitting next to him, “Hey, you want to hear a really funny Mizzou joke?” The guy replies, “Hey buddy. See the bartender? He played at Mizzou. See those two huge guys to your left? They played at Mizzou. See that group of big guys over at that table? All Mizzou football players. Look at me. I’m 6’4, 235 and played at Mizzou. Now are you sure you want to tell me your joke?”
The KU grad says, “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain and repeat it 5 times.”

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Three guys, a Tiger, a Jayhawk, and a Wildcat are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
“I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.
The Widlcat says, “I am studying to be a farmer, my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land in Manahttan to forever be fertile.
With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ the land across Manhattan was made forever fertile.
The Tigert was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Columbia, so that no one can come into our precious city.”
Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ there was a huge wall around Columbia.
The Jayhawk says, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.”
The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out.”
The Jayhawk says, “Fill it up with water.”

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Missouri University campus?
A: The officials had to check ID’s before letting any of the Tigers cheerleaders back on board.

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Did you hear about the Mizzou fan who was so upset that the Jayhawks beat Mizzou that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: Why is Mizzou replacing the wood on the basketball court with cardboard?
A: The team looks better on paper.

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: How many Missouri fans does it take to eat a ‘possum?
A: Three. One to eat the ‘possum and two to watch for cars.

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: What’s the definition of mass confusion?
A: Father’s day in Columbia.

From Facebook Group: Our Team Is Better Than Yours

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Q: What do you get if you drive by the Mizzou campus real slow?